All posts by Nikki

I have been trying to get pregnant for 8+ years. Many have spoken life over my womb, but recently, God told me, "...that I've had great patience, that I would be having a little girl & what to name her". Now, my faith has changed from believing to knowing!

Waiting…(Part 1)

Hello, NoLongerBarren.  It’s been some time since I posted here…but a few weeks ago…what happened…is worthy of a post…and I hope it blesses you.

So I had confessed, some months ago, to some of my brothers and sisters in Christ that I had been struggling with waiting…waiting on the promise.  This struggle was showing up everywhere.  I was irritated with all kinds of waiting…waiting on people arriving late…waiting on my husband and son to lock up the house and get in the car…waiting waiting waiting!!! I even spoke with my pastor about it and he gave me some encouraging word to help  me put some things in perspective.

I’ve learned that so often, what’s happening in your natural is an indicator of your spiritual condition.

So fast forward to a week later and I was walking around in a grocery store.  My mind was racing with thoughts of how God pursued me when I was 17…and I wasn’t ready.  How He called my name when I was 22 and I didn’t want to serve Him yet…and there were other times.  And then I thought about how grateful I was that God PATIENTLY WAITED FOR ME…how He allowed me to live long enough for Him to save me and that I didn’t die in my sin.  I was just walking and wiping the tears away…as my soul worshiped God.

The next day, I was at church and the choir began singing a new song that I’ve never heard before…You Waited by Travis Greene.  By the end of the song…I HEARD THE SPIRIT OF GOD SAY, “See…I WAITED for you”.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, worship engulfed me…                                         You see…I didn’t parallel His wait with my wait until this very moment.  HE WAITED ON ME 1ST!!!

The waits are not even equal…you see His wait benefits me…and my wait benefits me as well.  But the REVELATION…THE PERSPECTIVE God had to reveal to me…IT SHOOK ME LOOSE and changed my irritation into gratefulness.  ONLY A RIGHTEOUS GOD CAN DO THAT!!!

HE SET ME UP…TO SET ME FREE.  Listen to the words of the song above and let it settle in your spirit…then… WAIT…Isaiah 30:18 …blessed are they that wait on the Lord.

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I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Because He Promised!

It is so…because He promised…for He is faithful that promised.

The song that ministers to me now is, Thy Will Be Done, by Hillary Scott.  What powerful words…but have you stopped to think how hard they are to say…and mean it?  Oh how many times have I repetitiously said this while reciting the Lord’s Prayer?  But they were empty words…far from my heart.  But now, they are ringing loud in my ears…THY WILL BE DONE.

Can you imagine your child saying this to you???  How pleased as a parent and as a covering would you be for the one you love so deeply to surrender their own will to yours?  To your protection…your wisdom…your love…your provision…?  Starting to see the relational parallel between God & you vs. you & child?

God is faithful, His ways are higher than our ways…His thoughts higher than our thoughts.  And since He is all of these things and so much more…why not let go, surrender and say…Thy Will Be Done, Thy Will Be Done, Thy Will Be Done like a child on my knees all that comes to me is…Thy Will Be Done…

I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Greater is He…

I know that this is about being #NoLongerBarren, but ALL things work together for good to them that love God…  And since you’re here reading, you must love God.

Just a few days ago, I found myself caught in danger, facing a giant…literally in the middle of a shooting.  My 1st response was panic.  I would love to say that I called on God and began to pray immediately…but truth be told, I was stifled with fear.  However, within moments, God’s word came flooding back to me quickly…  Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…               God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble…                 The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe…

Fast forward to today, I’m in my living room dancing and worshiping God to this song “Greater Is He” and it says, I face a giant/an ocean… In over my head…Help me to look up…Though I may be weak…I know Who is with me…GREATER IS HE, LIVING IN ME, THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD…WHATEVER MAY COME, HIS STRENGTH IS ENOUGH…MY HEART IS AT PEACE…FOR GREATER IS HE!!!

THIS IS OUR GOD, THIS IS OUR GOD, THIS IS OUR GOD!!!

You do what I can’t…Keeper, Protector, Savior, Giver of Life, my Strong Tower…Thank You, Lord!!!

I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Waiting on the Lord…

Habakkuk 2:3

For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

Isaiah 40:31

31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Psalm 130:5

I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.

Psalm 62:5

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.

James 1:3-4

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 

James 2:24

24 Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.

I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Be Anxious For Nothing…

Hello NoLongerBarren.  I had a wonderful holiday season spent with immediate family. While visiting my brother in Atlanta, as always, I spent so much time bonding with my 1-yr old niece, Skylar. I combed her hair, held her, fed her, bathed & dressed her. Of course, feeling all warm-hearted & fuzzy inside, I began to think on my promised child. Imagining going through these same motions when she gets here…wondering about her temperament, her look, when will this time finally come… Also imagining how our lives will be changed, how we travel, time spent getting dressed, running errands, and on and on and on. Yes, I have a detailed, busy mind sometimes.

My 1st Sunday back at church, the lady, who God seems to continually speak to about me concerning this promise, she approached me with instructions from God. As she hugged me I embraced her back and she began to whisper in my ear, “…the Lord spoke to me concerning you this morning, and He told me to tell you…Be anxious for nothing“. She said, “That’s all I heard, He said…Be anxious for nothing…“.

Wow, I thought.  Instructions from the Lord again…I love it!  Maybe I have been in error, maybe I was anxious in my heart while loving on my niece.  Whatever it was, and I’m still searching it ALL out thoroughly, the Lord sent a message to let me know that He is thinking of me…and I remembered how much He loves me, SELAH. Psalm 139 Oh Lord, though hast searched me, and known me…

I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Everything Is Working Together For Our Good…

Hello NoLongerBarren.  In church, we have been learning about God’s grace.  Very interesting, very good teaching!!!  With all that has been going on…surgery, waiting for the promise to manifest, personal growths & struggles…God is still perfect.  And even if it doesn’t always seem so…His timing is perfect.

What I do know, is that all & everything that is part of the plan & the process…it’s ALL working together for my good & yours.  Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Detail of pastel tulip flower petals

I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Giver of Good Gifts!

When I first started this site, I had recently had the vision of the promise of birthing a baby girl.  I was instructed that she would be good and what to name her.  At the time, I thought that one day…I was just going to wake up pregnant.  And, in my mind, it was just that simple.  I never thought that this thing would be a whole process.  I never imagined that God would do a great work while He’s walking me through this journey.  It never dawned on me, at first, that this was about His glory.  I simply thought that I was finally getting what I’ve desired for so long.  How naive was I…leaning unto my own understanding.

I don’t know all that God knows, of course, but what He has shared with me along the way…I am thankful for the process.  Yes, it would have been lovely to awake one morning to find out that we have conceived.  But as for my spirit man, this very promise & process has helped me grow in FAITH, LOVE, PRAYER, WORSHIP, PATIENCE

Had it happened my way, maybe I would be full of joy, yet unchanged in some very critical areas.  So for that, I have to tell God THANK YOU!  Thank You for being ALL-knowing & ALL-powerful.  Thank you for not just giving us what we want, but being a good Father who knows how to give good gifts (Matthew 7:11).  Thank you for your…AMAZING GRACE.

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I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Sound Off for Love

Hello, NoLongerBarren! I am home recovering from surgery. This is the 2nd myomectomy I’ve had and this time around is much different than the 1st…much better. I am so blessed to be in Christ.  I was before as well, but now I’m a little more patientfaith is stronger, worship is deeper… God has matured me over the years, so this time…there was no fear, no anxieties, just assurance that I would awake healed…because of His promises.

I am thankful to God 1st & foremost! And right after that, I am thankful for the man of God I call my husband. My husband, who prays over me, who’s a good father & provider, who waited for me when I decided to honor God with my body, a wonderful person all around.  He corrects me when I’m wrong, and while his stance is firm…he’s gentle with me. This makes it easy for me to follow him. He’s not perfect by far, but has a perfect heart & he’s just right for me. He has learned to take care of my heart 1st, then the natural care falls into place. I wanted to take this time to honor the love of my life…for he lives a sometimes thankless role with integrity & joy.  SOUND OFF FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE WHO SUPPORTS & LOVES YOU DEARLY!

Also, a special thank you to my mother, Sadie.  She remained by my side to support us & watch over our son. To my family Edward, Jack, Shameka, & Devin. To my Pastor Louis whom I love very much! To Carolyn for shutting down her office to stay by my bedside & keep me company. For Kevin (cotton candy ;p). To all my lovely friends for praying for me: Ginger, Tasha, Toniya, Stephanie, Lisa, Sharon, Sherhonda, Keisha, Mrs. Shirley, Mrs. Phyllis, Mrs. Jennie, Tyrome, Jermain, Christina, Teen Dance & Parents & countless others who are still praying…I know it’s taboo to mention names because I may forget some…so I apologize…but I love you ALL.

Still declaring that it is not by surgery, procedures or anything else that this miracle will come to pass, but only by the grace of God, are all things made possible.

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I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

Write the Vision…

NoLongerBarren, since I had the vision/dream in Oct 2013, a series of things began to occur.  One was writing this blog.  One morning, my friend texted a scripture & it occurred to me…God had me walking out the Word.  I was so strongly compelled to follow as He led when I started this blog.  In doing such, I was unknowingly…writing the vision & making it plain, that he may run that readeth it…  Now, you who read it, God has you walking out scripture too!

Habakkuk 2:2-3 And the Lord answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

Commentary explains that Habakkuk was to record the vision to preserve it for all future generations, so that all who read it would know of the certainty of its fulfillment…All were to know that the prophecy would occur at God’s “appointed time”.  GLORY!!!

Now RUN, NoLongerBarren!

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I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!

By FAITH…

A few weeks ago, I had a very, very rough start of the day.  I was very sad & my heart very tender.  I got it together enough to go on to church.  As soon as I got there, someone said something just off enough to make a tender heart hurt again.  Well, I’m glad we had a crying in the Lord type service…because I got to cry it out while everyone else was crying.  It wasn’t so important for me to hide my feelings…as it was hard to keep explaining the matter as one after another keeps asking what’s wrong.  And every time you try to explain, you burst into tears….yes I was that tender!

But when the choir got up to sing, one of the praise leaders said, “…it was by faith that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob received the promise…” Instantly, I reached up & grabbed that word!  This had nothing to do with my issue that morning, but I was encouraged anyway.  I got into worship service & enjoyed my Sunday.  I was able to release from being tender & offended and moved on to enjoy the Lord!

Why do I want to share this with you, NoLongerBarren?  Because it is by FAITH that we ALL receive the promise.

or-small-as-a-4-week-fetus

I choose to believe that I am going to bear a child from my own eggs, womb & husband, and I choose this because of the Voice of Truth!